Blood On the Wall

There are things that we do that we know are bad for us, even though they make us extremely happy, so are these bad habits of us really bad? Or do we believe they're bad because that's what we've been raised to believe? I've been pretty happy lately, for no reason. I've had little adventures that I wouldn't wish on anyone but myself, because I'm a little selfish like that. One of these last nights was the best for me, it was like the best days I've had in awhile. It's kinda weird how it takes me a few drinks to be happy sometimes, but that only enhances the experience. Is that bad?


I've come to an end of another personal journey, and it's somewhat bitter-sweet because I'm happy that it's over, but now I'm stuck with the, "now what?" questions all over my mind. What will I do now that I'm getting older? When will I move out of my parent's house? When will I start learning how to drive? When will I start my career? Am I sure I'm pursuing the right career? Do I really want to grow up? Should I just suck dick for money? (jk on the last one!)


I wish I could be more specific but I've learned to hold back. I'm trying to find more ways to be happy within myself, and I'm learning how to be happy with myself, not to get mad at others for petty shit, not to be jealous. I'm teaching myself how to turn a negative into a positive, and not to cut off certain people, but cut off their negative thoughts. A lot of people say a lot of unnecessary elitist comments, and I'm coping with not letting that affect me, because we're all different. If you want to be a lame ass Debbie Downer, go ahead, but don't get mad at me when you see me out there living my life. Or do so, I'll be too busy being happy to notice.

Gone

 Sometimes I wonder if I'm too boring. Sometimes people invite me places and they don't even talk to me after. Maybe I'm just a statue. A moving statue. Why would you want me around and not talk to me? I don't get that. I know I'm shy, but that doesn't mean I'm boring. I have a pretty interesting life, or at least I hope I do. People rarely text me. For once I would like to get a text wishing me a good morning, or an "I hope you have a great day." People seem to hit me up on weekend nights, when they want to find something to do. They treat me as if I'm some sort of a last resort, a sort of party line. What do I know about parties? Nothing.


I know I've made a fool of myself, befriend those I shouldn't have, fallen in lust with the unattainable ones. I'm trying to repair my mistakes, grow from them, but I'm just growing dull. What happened to me? I'm dead.


I met this girl last week. I was a little (or a lot) drunk, and me and this girl seemed to share so much in common. We even danced together. We spent our morning together. As soon as the alcohol was out of my system, I found her really dull, really destructive. She kept on trying to bring me out of my shell. I just met her. What made her think that I was going to open up to her so easily? She kept on asking what made me so shy. I didn't answer. I've been shy for most of my life. What made her think I was going to switch it up like *that*? Maybe that's why people find me boring. I'm not though, I'm really not....

Burritos

 I've been feeling really uninspired lately, so I'll write about something I had in mind all day long: burritos.

I love burritos, I don't know why. Burritos are THE fucking best. Today I was in the bus, heading home, and I just kept on thinking about a long, thick burrito on the tip of my lips. Sometimes I can't take it. My mouth just gets all watery, and I get all anxious thinking about burritos to stick in my mouth. There are days where I sit around and just think about burritos. People think burritos are so easily accessible, but they're really not. Well, they are, but not all the time. What I love about burritos is not only the taste, but the variety. They come in all shapes and sizes. There are days where I feel like I can take on a big burrito, but then there are other days where the small ones do the trick. Sometimes I even feel like taking on two. What can I say, I'm a little adventurous like that! The best burrito I've ever had wasn't big or small, it was somewhere in the middle; the type of burrito that you know you'll enjoy and the thought of it just teases you. I hate waiting for it, but I know it's always satisfy me. When you finally get your hands on it, you can't wait to put it in your mouth, and have that sauce drip all over you. The sauce is the best though! Without it, that burrito would be nothing. I'm getting all wet thinking about it! The best part is after you're done, you just relax, and catch your breath because you know that burrito was the fucking best, and you're all exhausted but it was fucking worth it. I love burritos. Like that.