I went to this place out of frustration. My friend had freaked out on ‘shrooms, and I needed to be out with people who were calmer and willing to keep going on. So I ended up at this place and I was informed that this boy was going to be there. I didn't know how to react, I was secretly ecstatic but I kept my composure. The thing is, I had given this boy something special a few days ago, and I was hoping he’d be appreciative, or at least give me some cute remarks. “Keep it together!” He finally showed up, but that was it, nothing special. All I got was a type of greeting you give someone you've met before but aren't familiar with. “Keep it together!” I sat down by myself, and kept on drinking to make me feel better about myself and I knew I was about to reach the point of no return. There wasn't really anything I wanted to return to. So this boy comes and sits next to me and I get all giddy and happy, but the conversation wasn't going anywhere and he still hadn't asked about how I had been doing. It was a 2 minute conversation cut short by him maneuvering his attention to someone else. I sat there waiting for him to start talking to me but he didn't I walked out, frustrated. I sat somewhere else, and this other boy who I had been ignoring showed up and he started talking to me, and I didn't really give a fuck about what he had to say and I kept on staring at his face trying to figure out what he was on because he was definitely on something. I was going to use him to get the other boy jealous and I walked with him to where the other boy was hoping he’d get jealous. I lost the other boy and I just remember that I hated myself for playing these dumb games, for actually giving a fuck. At the end of it all, I felt like a fucking loser, and I kept on thinking about how I wanted to kill myself. Okay not kill myself, but kill the emotions within me, for not listening to everyone else when they told me that he wasn't worth it and that I could do better. So we all were leaving together and the other boy I didn't give a shit about comes up to me and gives me a hug and tells me to hit him up whenever and I nodded, meanwhile the boy I did give a shit about stood behind me the whole time. I walked to the car all angry and I just stayed quiet, and I remember that this boy’s friend kept on trying to put his arm around me and I was getting annoyed and I was just like why the fuck is everyone around him trying to fuck me except him?! I always assumed I was somewhat special to him but I guess I wasn't and I hated myself for that.
